Yeah, you say you want your life to settle down and have things work out for you. But week after week, month after month, year after year, there might be different players, different facts, but it’s always the same old story. You may as well face it—chaos, for you dear friend, is a way of life.
I know this one. I lived this one. And I moved beyond this one. You can too. But you need to understand why you keep creating chaos in your life, before you can create it’s opposite—elegance, ease, success and peace.
Take a look at these seven reasons we tend to create chaos-filled lives, and see if one or several of them ring true. If so, commit to healing and moving beyond them. The reasons you may be keeping chaos around:
1. It’s your story
I recently connected with an old childhood friend on Facebook. I was happy to be reconnected to her, but soon regretted the connection. She is steeped in stories (with great detail in her posts) about her “unfortunate” luck.
Surgeries botched, health problems galore, failed romance upon failed romance…this woman has nothing but tales of woe. And yet, surprisingly, her other “post of choice” is gratitude.
Clearly my friend knew something about counting blessings, but more often than not, she “talked the talk” but didn’t “walk the walk”. The “story” of her life, to the world and to herself, is “Oh, poor me…”
I’m sure my friend doesn’t realize the impact her “stories” are having on her reality. But I’ve known people who do know the impact these kind of stories have, and yet they still tell stories of “Oh, poor me…”—seemingly oblivious to the energy they are exuding (and the chaos-filled reality they are creating).
What to do about it: If you find yourself telling tales of misfortune at every opportunity…stop. Catch yourself before you utter a word, ideally. And instead tell tales of success.
At first it won’t be easy. You’ll be so steeped in looking for the negative you’ll have a hard time finding the positive. But look for it. Tell a story (even if only to yourself) every single day, of something wonderful that happened during the day.
It doesn’t have to be big. It can be as inconsequential as, “I really enjoyed my shower today.” Or “Those strawberries I had for breakfast were super sweet.” Or, “That was the funniest TV show I’ve seen all month.”
The more you practice, the more you’ll have to tell. What you focus on is what you draw into your reality—so before you know it you’ll be hard pressed to find anything “wrong” in your life at all!
2. It’s your identity
How we think of ourselves becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And once we start down a path of identifying ourselves as unfortunate, struggling victims, it becomes hard to pull ourselves out of it. Why? Because the self-identity calls to us more reasons to feel that way. Those new chaos-filled realities reinforce our identity and the vicious cycle continues.
But the “victim” identity isn’t the only one that keeps us in chaos. The “fixer” identity does too. Every “fixer” needs something to fix—so creating chaos and crisis (unconsciously of course) is a must for “fixers”, who specialize in “coming to the rescue”.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you have one identity or the other. You could have a “victim” identity with your parents (I know I did with my father…it was the only dynamic we had) and a “fixer” identity with your children or friends.
What to do about it: Recognize you identify with being the victim, being the rescuer or both. Forgive yourself for that. And begin to see (and feel) yourself as one “who lives an easy, elegant, struggle-free life”, and who doesn’t get caught up in whatever chaos is happening around you.
Practice “compassionate detachment” when those you love are feeling challenged. You can care without jumping (emotionally) into the chaos others are creating.
Yes, it will be difficult to do in the beginning. And it may not feel real. But if you stick with it, even a few minutes each day, it will start to feel real. And once it starts to feel real, your reality will begin to respond, and eventually it will be real.
A note on this: You may not be able to shift another’s choice to create chaos in their life. What you can shift is your response to their creation. Coupling that with holding a vision for them in an easy, elegant, peaceful and successful life is all you can do. You can’t make the choice for them.
3. You (secretly) like it
Ah, don’t breeze by this one too fast, my friend. If you didn’t like at least an aspect of the chaos you create, you wouldn’t be creating it. What on earth is there to like about chaos?
Well the excitement for one. Yes, you could do without the flat tire, the never-ending head cold, the leaky roof, the family crisis, the trips to the ER with the kids, but there is something in the excitement of it you may enjoy.
Wait…you mean I’m creating my kids being hurt? No, they are. But, lets just say you aren’t helping matters when you are not proactively creating peace and ease.
Another reason you might keep chaos around is, it gets you attention. You can tell if this might be your “payoff” if you can’t wait to tell your friends, family and co-workers about the “bad” things that happen.
I know, not pretty. But don’t worry. There is a way out.
What to do about it: Again, first forgive yourself. Then commit to finding the excitement and attention (or whatever other payoff you might be receiving) elsewhere. Talk about the “bad” things that happen only on a “need to know basis”. Instead find only “good” things to talk to people about. Again, this will seem difficult at first. But it will get easier.
4. You don’t really think you have a choice
You can recognize this one as yours if your initial response to the article was something like, “Boy I’d like to stop creating chaos in my life—but that’s ridiculous—chaos and crisis just happen!”
In fact, they don’t just happen. We create them happening. Not by consciously making them happen, but by unconsciously letting them happen.
What to do about it: If this even slightly rings true, you probably have a belief like: “I do not create 100% of my reality.” Simply change it to: “I do create 100% of my reality.” And watch your world transform!
5. You believe you deserve it
This is another one you might blow by too quickly. Of course your conscious, adult “self” doesn’t believe you deserve chaos and crisis in your life. But there may be a part of you, perhaps the part of you that is still only 5 years old, that doesn’t believe they deserve ease, elegance, joy and peace.
What to do about it: Again, change the belief. The belief might be, “I don’t deserve a wonderful magical life.” Change it to, “I do deserve a wonderful magical life.” Belief changing is much easier than you might imagine. And your reality will absolutely respond.
6. You have nothing to replace it with
Lets face it, if you take away the chaos from life you might be left with your “same old boring life”. Again, this is probably not a conscious motivation. We all create from our unconscious selves until we become conscious of the energy we are emitting in the form of thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
What to do about it: Begin to dream, my friend. Create some positive, exciting realities so you won’t need chaos to fill the void. Just dreaming some positive futures will help diminish the energy that currently goes to creating chaos.
What if you don’t know what to dream? No worries. Start with knowing how you want to feel. How will peace feel? Safety? Joy? Abundance? Success? Start feeling those feelings. Feelings create your world.
7. Success scares the heck out of you
Ah, there it is, eh? Well, my friend, you are not alone. Let’s face it; we all know failure, crisis and chaos far too well. But like old, worn furniture, it’s comfortable and familiar. If you dream too big, too far from this “known life”, why, anything could happen!
What to do about it: Yes, anything could happen, if you allow it to. But you won’t create amazing new futures unless you take a look at that fear and handle it. What does that look like? It looks like really thinking through the consequences of your dream, writing them down, figuring out what beliefs are behind those fears and changing them.
Then, decide what the consequence of your dreams manifesting will be. If you can manifest the dream you can manifest the consequences of that dream.
Remember, creating your current life took years, decades perhaps. Creating a life filled with ease, elegance, peace, safety, success and love will take time too. You don’t have to do it all today. But begin today. Set an intention today. Make a commitment today. Like it or not, the chaos in your life is your creation. And that is good news. Because if it you created it, you can change it.
In joyous creation,
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