Beth came to me because she’d read my books and felt as if her business had stalled. “I just don’t think I have what it takes to do this,” she said to me.
“That’s your ‘negative self’ talking,” I responded. “And maybe you have an unconscious belief that you need to know everything there is to know about running a business in order to run a business. You don’t. You just need to know what step to take each and every moment—and sometimes that step is simply finding someone who does know the answers.”
Beth began giving her negative self time to talk every day—just five minutes or so while she was in the shower. Her negative self told her all the reasons she would fail: “You’re not up to this task,” “You don’t deserve a thriving company,” and harshest of all, “You’re literally so stupid you can’t even see that you’ll screw this up royally. Give it up and quit before you embarrass yourself.”
When her negative self had no more venom to spew, Beth called in her higher self to take “Neg” away for healing. And then a miraculous thing happened—Beth felt clear, strong, and empowered. From that state of being, with nothing nagging at her energetically, she imagined everything falling into place—the right advisors appearing, the sales numbers rising, and success beyond what she had thus far imagined.
Little by little, Beth’s business found solid ground and it did succeed. Beth is enjoying major success (even in a pandemic) and still works with “Neg” on a regular basis.
You’ve heard this voice too
There is a dark side of each of us—an aspect that wants to see us fail. I call this aspect the “negative self¹.” Neg, as I like to call it, feeds us a steady diet of self-doubt, self-condemnation, and self-hate. It speaks to us through our thoughts and feelings and generally we are not conscious of its demeaning messaging—but our reality shows its impact. Our negative self makes us feel as if something is wrong with us, and thus sabotages our natural ability to create.
The negative self speaks lies of “less-than.” This is the part of you that haunts you in the middle of the night. This is the part of you that tells you you’ll fail, that you aren’t talented, you aren’t attractive, and you aren’t good enough.
It also speaks lies of “better-than.” It tells you that you are the “exception.” You are “special.” You are God’s “gift” to humankind. It will tell you that you don’t have to do the work of consciously creating, all you need is to “believe” everything will turn out great. (It won’t—unless you do the work).
It will fill your head with so much garbage, so many lies, and so much debilitating nonsense that if you aren’t careful, you will begin to believe it. But there is a way to stop it in its tracks …
Listen to it
It seems ironic, doesn’t it? In order to disempower your negative self you need to give it voice. But here’s the deal: your negative self isn’t going away. It is a part of you and will rear its ugly head whenever you have a new project or dream. The only way to handle it is to separate its voice from yours—and you do that by listening.
Make time to envision it and tell it what your dreams are—and let it rip them to shreds. As you do, remember—your negative self always lies.
I conjure up my negative self whenever I’m working on a new dream (which is always). I imagine my negative self as me on a very bad hair day. She’s wearing a dirty and ripped sweat suit, with hair that hasn’t been washed in a month—she’s slouching, snarly and smelly.
Here is what my negative self had to say years ago at a time when I was trying to manifest both money and a relationship (excerpted from The Map):
Me: I’m planning to create financial independence and also a loving relationship with someone who supports, honors and nurtures me.
NS: “You don’t deserve money and you’ll never have money. You think you can do some stupid technique and money will fall in your lap? What kind of turnip truck did you fall from? You are stupid to believe that. Idiotic. The best you will be able to do is to work for someone else and what can you make doing what you know how to do? Not much. Give it up.”
NS: “And as far as a man…you can’t be serious…what kind of man would want you? Blind? Stupid? An imbecile? Forget it baby. This is your lifetime to be alone.”
Me: “Is that all?”
NS: “No. I can’t believe you are trying this crap again. It if really worked, wouldn’t it have worked by now?”
Me: “Are you finished?”
NS: “Actually no. You won’t have men or money this time around sweet cakes. So just stop trying. You are ugly and stupid and no man will want you. And as far as being rich, it just ain’t in the cards.”
Me: “Anything else?”
NS: “Yeah, that dress you bought makes you look fat.”
Me: “Now are you done?”
Nothing from my negative self, so I assumed she was finished. I surrounded her in a bubble of white light, and called in my Higher Self to take her away to be healed.
And then, I was free…until next time.
You can be free and empowered too
In order to stop your negative self from flowing their nightmares into your dreams, you have to become aware of your negative self. The best way to do that is to dialogue, just like I did. Once you are aware of them you can diffuse their power. But until then, they subtly affect your thoughts and emotions without you even being aware of it.
One thing to remember: when you work with your negative self: they always lie. They can be quite brutal. It can bring up a lot of emotion. But they always lie. Remember that.
Sometimes, what the negative self says can make you aware of a belief you hold about yourself. Sometimes, it’s all just words. But after you’ve let them have their say, and have sent them off with your higher self (or another higher being) for healing, you will feel awesome—light, clear and free.
When should you work with your negative self?
I suggest working with your negative self daily for at least three months. It’s critical that you begin to know when your negative self is speaking, and by working with it daily you’ll learn to recognize its voice in your head.
Still, after all these years of working with my negative self, it can throw me for a loop if I ignore it. Whenever I have a big project or dream, I work with my negative self every single day. It doesn’t have to be meditative; you can talk to them (after a bit of practice) in the car or the shower.
Working with my negative self has had a profound impact on my life and I will likely never stop. I suggest you don’t either.
¹ My concept of the “negative self” is a combination of the concepts of the “lesser self,” the “inner saboteur,” and the “negative ego” taught by Lazaris (Lazaris.com).