How to Move Beyond Unworthiness | Live a Life You Love

If you’ve realized that one of the major obstacles to getting what you want is wrapped up in feeling inadequate, not valuable, or somehow less-than, you are dealing with feeling unworthy. These feelings of unworthiness are what I call a “core belief” and can start forming as early as childhood.

I spent some time recently with a little girl dear to my heart. I spoke to her about her gifts, talents, and strengths.

“You are kind, caring, smart, loving, giving, funny, fun to be with, and so many other wonderful things!” I said.

She looked at me and stared into my eyes.

“What?” I asked, “Did one of those things surprise you?”

“Yeah,” she replied, “You said ‘smart’.”

And she is smart. But she doesn’t see herself that way due to a learning disability. It broke my heart.

Human beings are fragile—especially as children. It doesn’t take much to dash a child’s self-worth, and if that harm isn’t repaired, we bring it into adulthood as a core belief about who we are—and it sabotages everything.

I received an email from a reader named Debbie who expressed these same feelings of unworthiness. And boy, I feel Debbie’s pain. I spent decades feeling the same sense of unworthiness. And I put on the same brave, happy face that she does. We can appear successful but this underlying belief will get in the way of creating a life we truly adore.

The wonderful thing is… it is possible to change core beliefs! Watch this video for my answer on how Debbie, and the rest of us, can change feelings of unworthiness to feelings of absolute worthiness. Your entire reality will change when you do.

Have you had any beliefs around money, or relationships or other things you want to create that you’ve felt unable to change because of your underlying sense of unworthiness? Were you able to change that belief that you were unworthy and see positive results? I’d love to hear your story . . .

Thanks so much for joining me here.

With lots of love,

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2 comments add a comment

2 comments to " How to Move Beyond Unworthiness "


Herman Smith

February 1, 2020 AT 11:16PM

Great video! Loved seeing you and hearing your voice. Looking forward to more insights from you.

Herman

Robert

February 1, 2020 AT 12:53AM

For most of my life, my core belief has been, “I am worthless”. I’m 47 years old and after a long journey of searching for a way to heal myself, I found it in psychotherapy. I’ve been in therapy once a week for the last 13 months, consistently showing up to face the pain and simply allowing it to express itself. Two of the biggest techniques that work for me are inner child work and shadow work. However, I’ve realized that what helped the most was my willingness to be vulnerable and honest with myself and with my therapist, which could only be possible with someone I feel safe with. I’m now at the point where I’m beginning to love myself, flaws and all, and care less about what others think about me or behave towards me. It’s very new to me and though it feels unusual, it also feels right.

I just finished listening to an audiobook entitled Trafficked Girl by Zoe Patterson. It’s her true story about having grown up with a mother who was hell-bent on destroying her and her siblings who joined in her mother’s cause. At 13, Zoe was being sold for sex, drank alcohol and did drugs to numb the pain. She finally freed herself of that life in her early twenties. Things got better before they got worse again, but now at 29 years old, she seems to be in a place where she can truly heal. It is an absolutely heart-breaking story of a girl with an amazing heart and resilience to match. Zoe’s core belief was also that she was worthless. If Zoe can overcome her experiences and get to where she is today, to me it says that it’s possible for everyone. Like Bonnie says, it’s our beliefs that hold us back.

In the video above, Bonnie also mentions resonance, and it’s the right word here because this feeling of unworthiness doesn’t resonate with any of us. It just doesn’t feel right.

As an analogy, imagine that your mother bought you a shirt that was three sizes too small and told you to wear it because, according to her, it’s the right size for you. You believe her and you put it on, but WOW does it hurt! It doesn’t feel good because it doesn’t fit. It’s too small. That’s what feeling bad about ourselves is like. We feel bad when we ‘wear’ a belief that doesn’t fit who we really are. The belief doesn’t resonate with our truth and so it hurts.

This is how I know whether or not a belief about myself is true. If it feels good and right and is comfortable, then it’s a good fit. If I feel awful, I have to question the belief. I’ve found that my feelings and bodily sensations tell me all I need to know about what’s true and what isn’t.

Therapy (and meditation) ultimately worked for me. Everyone is unique and we owe it to ourselves to keep searching and trying different things until we find what works. By the way, in case you believe that you can’t afford therapy, I’d like to add that I have found a therapist who is willing to see me on a weekly basis at a rate that I can afford. He decided to do this because of my dedication to the process. He is also a recent graduate and says that he’s learning a lot from me and my healing process. So we’re both benefiting. A therapist doesn’t have to have years of experience to be effective (another belief). He or she only needs to be right for you.

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