Dear Boni,

I realize I have a belief: “In order to cultivate compassion and to help people, I have to suffer their suffering.”

Basically, I believe that by suffering I can be on the same frequency as other human beings and therefore be able to communicate to them. If I were fully healthy, wealthy and joyful then I would not be able to communicate to human beings who are suffering and they would despise me.

How is it possible to live in happiness, abundance, and joy and at the same time have an open heart to those who are suffering?

Signed,
Completely Compassionate

_________________________________

Dearest Compassionate,

I understand your feelings. I have felt that way too and I am pretty sure others have as well. I’m glad you are seeking to resolve this because this belief will not only keep you from success, joy, and abundance, it will keep you virtually powerless to (truly) help anyone at all.

Yep. That’s right. Your choice to make yourself suffer in order to help others will backfire. Why? Because…

Suffering + Suffering = More Suffering

It was Albert Einstein who said, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” And he was right. Commiserating with others, suffering with others or complaining with others, will not change the consciousness of the sufferer, it will not help them, and it will cause more suffering in your own reality.

You see, each of us vibrates at a certain level. As we grow, become more, change our beliefs, and begin to understand who we really are, our vibration rises.

And two people cannot be in the same place for very long at different vibrational rates without one of four things happening:

1. The person with the higher vibration will lower theirs, or…

2. The person with the lower vibration will raise theirs, or…

3. A combination of 1 and 2, or…

4. The two people will part ways, as each refuses to shift.

Lazaris* tells a story that illustrates the concept (paraphrased):

Imagine you were walking through the woods and you hear someone yelling for help.  You follow the voice and come upon a man in a deep hole in the ground with no way to get out.

Now—assuming you want to help this man, how do you go about doing that? You could jump in the hole with him. He would have company and you both could suffer together. They say misery loves company, right?

But would that help him? Obviously not. The only way to truly support him is to help him get out of the hole.

Helping Others Begins with Helping Yourself

The only way you can truly help others is to first empower yourself. If you transcend from your own suffering to a life of joy, love and prosperity then you are showing others it can be done. You are giving them an energetic and physical example of someone who has realized everyone is powerful and has the ability to create a spectacular life.

And let’s face it; the downtrodden don’t need more people who don’t believe in them—everyone around them (including themselves) holds that belief.

But do they need compassion? Yes—definitely. And here is where your former suffering can produce a silver lining. Because you understand what it’s like to suffer, you really can empathize with people. You really can be deeply compassionate about their plight.

But you can also hold a vision of them being healed, happy, whole, and in love with their life. And whether you share that vision with them or not, it will help them.

Do those who suffer need support? Maybe—for a while. You see our world does have true victims in it (those who don’t have a clue about their ability to change their world). And victims do need help.

Not everyone is ready for the fact that “we create our own reality”. Sometimes people need to be protected, fed, educated, housed, and clothed before they can even begin to become empowered. But that is not a reason for you to suffer until they do. That, my friend, is martyrdom.

Ultimately no one wants to feel powerless—and approaching those in need as if they will never “have what it takes” to make something of themselves does them a great disservice.

And believing that you cannot be happy, successful and prosperous until every person on the planet is free from suffering does you (as well as them) an equally great disservice.

Remember you cannot control the way things turn out and you certainly cannot control others. Love others enough to allow them to make their own choices. And meanwhile…

Change the Beliefs that Trip You Up

These ideas won’t just go away because I said they are untrue, even if the less constricting belief makes all the sense in the world and you really want to believe something different.

If you hold negative beliefs about creating a life you love, you’ll want to change them in order to be free to actually create that magnificent life. Here are what they might be:

Those who are suffering cannot create a life they love.
Those who are suffering can create a life they love.

It is most helpful to those in need to suffer with them as a gesture of support.
It is most helpful to those in need to show them a way out of their situation.

The greatest gift I can give to those who suffer is to suffer with them.
The greatest gift I can give to those who suffer is to imagine them happy.

I must be at the same frequency as those suffering in order to communicate with them.
I must feel great compassion for those suffering in order to communicate with them.

When I am successful, others who aren’t will despise me for having what they don’t.
When I am successful, others who aren’t will be inspired to create as I did.

Luckily every belief can be changed. And once you do, you’ll feel the freedom to create all the success in the world, while still feeling compassion and love for your fellow human being.

And once you’ve created that success, your resonance will help the next person who is ready to create theirs, and they will help the next, and on and on and on…until everyone on the planet is happy, healthy and in love with their life. Hey, if we can create it all (and we can) why not, right?

With love and light,

* More information about Lazaris can be found at www.lazaris.com.

Beliefs rule your reality, and they can keep you stuck where you are—unless you change them.  Our Changing Your Beliefs Guided Meditation can aid this process and make it much easier to accomplish.  Just 20 minutes can help shift your beliefs and your reality will change as a result!