Thoughts are powerful.

My friend Claire knows this firsthand. Claire was livid that her husband of 25 years was stingy to a fault and would help only with the bare minimum. He’d get up in the morning and make his side of the bed—leaving hers a mess. “Why can’t he do more?” she lamented.

I explained to her that he was just doing what she expected. She focused on what made her mad and the more she thought about it the madder she got.

She promised think about only the good things her husband did, and sure enough, when I saw her the following month she had a new marriage, “Oh my gosh, he is so kind and loving—I never knew it was this easy!”

The law of attraction is not only real, it is always working—know it or not. And your thoughts are the most potent tool you have to create your relationship—be it a phenomenally loving partnership, a union from hell or a ho-hum, mediocre marriage.

How does it work? Simple. Our realities (everything that we see, touch, feel and experience) are the result of our thoughts and the feelings that are produced as a result of those thoughts. Thoughts matter. Not only do they matter, they create everything in your world.

How do you know if you are creating long-term happiness or an inevitable divorce?

Answer these three questions honestly—and if you have more yeses than nos, you might want to rethink how you think:

1. Do you dwell on the problems?

It’s easy to be swept away in the emotions of what makes you feel mad, sad or hurt. But the bottom line is, what you focus on expands. So if all you think about is what you don’t like about your partner you will create more things not to like.

The Marriage Saver:

Force yourself to focus on the things your partner does that you love (or even like). Make it a habit to mentally note five good things for every bad thing you think about when it comes to your spouse.

And for extra oomph, add a tad of gratitude. You will be shocked at how your husband (or wife) responds.

2.  Do you compare your partner to others?

When your best friend brags that her husband made dinner and fed the baby so that she could take a bubble bath, it’s natural that you might want to compare your guy with hers. But don’t do it!

The minute you compare your spouse to any other human being (alive or fictional) you set yourself up for disappointment. What you are saying to the universe is, “I don’t have what I want!”

And what will you create more of? Not having what you want.

The Marriage Saver:

When you observe someone whom you’d love your partner to emulate, instead of mourning that he/she is not that way; remind yourself that you have created someone in your life to be the man/woman of your dreams (yes, you created that).

And if you created it anywhere in your life, you can create it even closer to you—like those behaviors in your mate. Then, begin to imagine feeling absolutely delighted with your spouse.

3.  Are you mentally keeping score to make sure your relationship is 50-50?

Marriage isn’t an employment contract. It’s a sacred bond between two people. Expecting anything (except that your vows will be honored) is probably going to end in disappointment.

The Marriage Saver:

Love is about giving, not getting. Instead of giving 50% how about giving 100% with no strings attached? Your mate will feel truly loved. And you will have let go of the feeling of entitlement (which only attracts disappointment).

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, your thoughts are creating dissension in the short term, and over the long haul, if you keep it up, they can create divorce.

Start practicing the Marriage Savers right now, and watch for the teeny tiny signs (and maybe a few big ones) that show the universe and your spouse are responding.

With love,

This article was originally published on DigitalRomance.