I knew it would happen. Once I announced that my marriage had ended I knew there would be those who would be disappointed and disillusioned with my work (and me). I guess that’s one reason I waited until I was strong, and (mostly) healed to make the news public.
Thankfully, my announcement brought mostly support. People emailed me lovely messages of gratitude, love and encouragement. Such as:
“Thank you so much for this beautiful email. I’m sorry to hear about your divorce but I am happy that you’re looking at it (in) the right light. Your words encouraged me to go for what I want, and most of all to be happy, and bring joy into my life. Thank you for the meditation advice, I look forward to being with my higher self! I love you and take care.”
And then there were messages like this:
“What happened, Boni? Did your husband pass on? Or did you have a parting of ways? Not too long ago, you were telling us your methodology had brought you your soulmate, your marriage was bliss, and you were living in bliss, your life was bliss. Perhaps one of the lessons to learn has to do with pretense and honesty in all things, all matters, all ways.”
I have to say that last bit did make me angry at first. If anything I was the opposite of pretentious. Most of you will never know how much of my fairy-tale life I didn’t tell you about—it was so far over the top I was a bit embarrassed.
And it was bliss—my marriage and my life. I enjoyed and cherished many, many moments of sheer happiness, fun and love.
And then it was over.
I won’t go into the details—not to protect my privacy (I really am an open book) but my ex’s. However, I do want to address some misconceptions many have about conscious creation, and my creation(s) in particular.
It’s not black and white
It’s your adolescent who says, “Marriage should last forever,” and “If Boni has divorced her husband who she said was the love of her life, then she’s lied to us all along.”
Adolescents never see shades of grey—they live in an either/or world. And if you let your adolescent run your life, you won’t be as effective as you could be in creating the life you desire.
The world, humans, and creating are complex. And we live in a world of duality—there is a little good in everything bad, and a little bad in everything good (think of the yin/yang symbol). The more you can accept that, the more forgiving you’ll be of yourself and less judgmental of others.
You can’t control how something manifests
One of the main tenants of conscious creation is that you must let go of how something manifests. Of course you can have a preference, and my preference was to stay married to my husband.
But if two people are no longer in alignment energetically, the union (in the illusion) will end—one way or another. The love can and will live on, beyond the illusion. Love never dies.
But sometimes it is appropriate for even a very loving relationship to end.
I know many don’t want to hear this. But please remember you are creating it all—and if you did create a relationship ending, you can create even greater love beyond it.
Contracts and soul choices are a thing
I haven’t written much about soul contracts. It’s a rather advanced topic and confuses some. But sometimes we do make choices and create realities from a higher level than our physical selves.
I had always known my union with my ex-husband was a soul contract. I still assumed it would last forever—and I think it could have. But we each made choices that changed that plan.
Did knowing it was a soul choice make it easier? A little—it helped me resist the temptation to second-guess my decision.
But it didn’t take away the pain and grief of ending the marriage. I still needed to work through that. Thankfully had a ton of support from my friends (both seen and unseen).
Failure doesn’t exist
We on the physical plane are so quick to judge something a success or failure. It’s my belief that failure doesn’t exist—experience exists. And everything we experience can derail us, or springboard us into more exciting, fulfilling, love-filled and prosperous realities.
My marriage was a success. I grew, I loved, I was loved and I had a ton of fun. That it ended didn’t suddenly make it (or me, or him) a failure. It was just time to move on.
It comes down to (you know it’s coming) beliefs. If you believe no matter what happens you can heal and move on to the very best part of your life (yet)—you will.
Physical reality is an illusion—and all illusions will end
This is tough for all of us. Whether a relationship ends, a job ends, or a life ends, it can feel like the world is ending. Even though we may be evolved and know nothing real ever ends, it is still painful to say goodbye. We must give ourselves the time and space to grieve, heal and become whole again.
Despite all that I know—I’m human
Yes, my gift is teaching people about conscious creation and I’m pretty good at creating in my own life. But I’m human, too. I don’t do it perfectly and although I don’t think creating my divorce was a mistake, I do make them.
Don’t put me on a pedestal when you see all I’ve created, or on a cross when you think I’ve failed.
Let me be your friend and let’s learn and grow together. Doing so will help you to let go of expecting perfection from yourself, and to more easily forgive yourself when you do mis-create.
Endings are also beginnings
It’s never (ever) the end of the story. I will go on to create more love in my life (and I sincerely hope my ex will as well).
You can never (really) know another’s journey
There are complexities to my divorce creation that I can’t discuss with you. And even if I could, the only one who can really understand all the nuances and reasons underlying it is me—and even I have limited access to the whole of the truth while I’m in the physical body.
So please try not to judge others for what they’re creating. Send them love and see them as happy and whole, fulfilled and healed. And remember the oldest of souls sometimes choose the most challenging of lifetimes as a gift to others.
I hope this article helps you to be gentler with yourself as well as to others.
With loads of love,