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Hello Boni!

I have a problem. I know what I want out of this life—amazing love, great friends, travel experiences, laughter, meaningful conversations, just plain fun, losing pounds, gaining money and helping people get healthy.

But I’m in a depressed and anxious rut. I’ve struggled with severe anxiety for eleven years and can’t even seem to muster up the energy to write out my intentions let alone follow through.

I’m only 22 and I know I’m on the right path learning from you and others but do you have any advice on how to get yourself up and motivated?

Thank you so much!

Anxious but Hopeful


Dear Anxious (and Everyone Who Can’t Get Motivated),

You are not alone in your inability to move forward. And I understand that it can be quite frustrating to see that you are creating it all but feel unable to take the steps you know you should take to improve your life.

We all lose our motivation from time to time. The reasons we become unmotivated are varied. Each person has their own story—their own reason. Here are some possibilities for you to consider to help you figure out what the reason is for you:

1.    Maybe you just need a break

Last week was an unmotivated week for me. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t work. I only wanted to walk on the beach (I know, who doesn’t, right?). Seriously though, I knew it wasn’t a case of anything but needing some time to integrate changes that had taken place inside of me.

Sometimes we need to play. Sometimes we need to socialize. And sometimes we need to hibernate (OK, for me, a lot of times I need to hibernate!). Recognize you have a pattern of growth. And honor it.

2.    You don’t (really) believe it is possible

This is the reason most people can’t move forward. They hear about the law of attraction and it sounds too good to be true. They are petrified to test it out because then when it inevitably doesn’t work, they don’t even have the juicy fantasy that they could create their wildest dreams come true.

Take some time to look at and test for your foundational beliefs. You have to change the beliefs that say it won’t work or won’t work for you before you can begin to create it working. Conscious creation is a process—be patient and methodical. It always works.

3.    Your child or adolescent is running the show

It is the adolescent in us that thinks it is just too much work to consciously create our reality—they want the shortcut. They want to already be there. It is the child self that is afraid they won’t do it right, so why bother?

Both these selves can interfere to the point of paralyzing you, if you let them. How do you handle them? In meditation, go back to the little “you” and talk to him or her. Ask them what they think, how they feel, especially about what is going on in your life at the moment.

And then make them safe. Give them a life they love. Make them promise to stay there and assure them you have your life handled. This little exercise will make a world of difference.

4.    You’re afraid of the consequences of success

Many times if we chase down what is really bothering us about moving forward, it’s none of the above. It’s that we are afraid we won’t be able to handle or keep the success we say we want.

What is underlying this fear? Beliefs. Beliefs such as:

If I am successful, it will be too much responsibility.
If I am successful, I will be too visible.
If I am successful, then I will lose (my friends, family, easy life, etc.)

But these are only beliefs. And beliefs can be changed. You don’t only create your success, you create what happens after the success too. Don’t forget that. And change those beliefs!

5.    You like life they way it is

Hey, don’t argue with me about this one. If you don’t think a part of you likes failure, victimhood, martyrdom, struggle, etc., you need to look deeper. Part of you likes it simply because you know it. Another part might get a little bit of attention from people when you complain. Yet another part might like blaming others for everything that has gone wrong.

And you know what? It’s your life and you can create it any way you like. But don’t pretend you don’t benefit from your negativity. Once you realize you are creating it all, you can no longer call yourself a victim. And remember, not making a choice is a choice too.

6.    Your negative self is talking smack

You really can’t blame them. That is what negative selves do. They lie. They degrade. They sabotage. They demotivate. They say things like, “Why bother, nothing will work anyway?” And, “Why do you waste your time on this creating stuff?” And, “Are you crazy? You are destined to fail, be fat, ugly, unloved and unhappy!”

Remember—they lie. But if you keep listing to them without really listening to them they are pretty effective in keeping you tied down to mediocrity. How do you deal with them? Listen to them fully and consciously—for five minutes a day. You can do this while you walk, or in the shower or even driving the car if you’ve practiced a bit first. Listening to them gets their vile all out in the open, so your Higher Self can lift it and them from your energy field. And you will be free. (Until tomorrow…but tomorrow, just do it again!)

7.    You need help

If you are dealing with depression and anxiety that is debilitating, please seek professional help. Lazaris has some wonderful recordings on healing anxiety and depression, too. You can find out more at Lazaris.com

And for everyone, ask for divine help. Ask your unseen friends to assist you in finding and keeping your motivation, your spark, your spirit and your passion. Ask for help in healing, in growing and in becoming the person you came here to be.

We all need help from time to time. And we all can benefit from help every single day. There is no need to do this alone.

And once you break free from the reasons you can’t get started, you’ll be able to start changing your reality. There is nothing that motivates like success! But even then, we all go through periods of wax and wane, activity and stillness, growth and integration—embrace that.

Also, every new dream brings with it new challenges, new beliefs to be changed, a new image to stretch to and new growth to be done. The real trick is to enjoy the process as much as you possibly can—and to not be tied to specific results.

With love,

5 comments add a comment

5 comments to " How to Get Motivated (When You’re Not) "

  • This motivation thing has been SUCH a problem in my life…thank you for addressing it! I can see a clear way to get at the root of the problem now, and I’m so thankful for your hard work for us, Boni!

    I have made a major life change recently that has helped tremendously with overcoming this problem. For anyone out there who is struggling with motivation issues, this is going to sound crazy…like, how does one affect the other….but let me tell you, it DOES! I have eliminated all sugar from my diet, gluten containing products and dairy foods. Moved to a much “lighter” way of eating….whole foods with NOTHING processed. It has made such a difference in my motivation and my life!

  • Shelley

    Thanks for posting this Boni, this is something I had been dealing with this week.. so it came into my email box at the perfect time.. I was being hard on myself for not being motivated and it didn’t help at all.. thanks for explaining it in such a clear way..

  • What a great reply that sums up all the things that can be going on! As someone who has recently recovered from complete burn-out, I wish I had read this list before I got so sick that I collapsed. The thing is, you don’t normally acknowledge that it is possible to change your life until you hit rock bottom – you assume it’s impossible and totally pointless, and that you are a useless person that nobody wants anything to do with. But if you’d just asked for help from the right people, like yourself, you’d know that it isn’t you, you just need to change your focus. A wonderful life is at your feet, which I’m about to create for myself right now! Thanks a lot for your wise words!

  • Rich

    That is a great explanation! You spelled it out step by step and you couldn’t have made it any simpler for us to follow and understand. You have a gift of simplifying concepts where learning from you almost becomes effortless. Thank you for all you do for us!!
    Rich B

    • Boni


      It’s very kind of you to say that. I truly appreciate your taking the time to comment. I’m really happy and honored to help.


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