Dear Boni,

There is a man in my life whom I adore, although he has some traits that I find troublesome—namely his lack of commitment. How do I get him to be more attracted to me and ultimately, commit to me?

Signed,

Unlucky in Love

_____________________________

Dear Love,

First of all, no one is unlucky.

Very luckily for all of us, we are each 100% responsible for all we create in the area of our love life. This may be a difficult truth to own, especially when events aren’t proceeding the way we’d like them to, but ultimately, this is the best news ever. We can change everything we “don’t love” in the area of love!

However, you can never change anyone else.

“Wait a minute,” you might say, “you just said we can change everything and now you say you can never change anyone?”

Paradoxical but true.

You can create someone you deeply love, someone who also loves you, and someone who will even commit. But you can’t control “who” this “someone” turns out to be.

Oh yeah, I can hear you now … “But I don’t want a new guy—I want this guy to ask me to marry him!”

Your current guy may do just that (once you change your energy around love, men, and relationships). But if this guy isn’t capable of being someone who commits, isn’t it a better idea to create someone who is?

When you change your energy you free up others to become the person you imagine they could be—but it’s still their decision whether to do that. If you’re open to the multitude of ways the universe could provide you with the kind of guy you want, you make it easy for the details to take care of themselves. Your job is to change you. How?

First, set your intentions for what you do desire in your significant other partnership. They might look something like this:

•  I intend to create a loving relationship that provides ever growing levels of peace, safety, fun, freedom, ease, joy, intimacy, vulnerability, trust, play, creativity, expansion, positive activation, tenderness, commitment, and love for us both.

•  I intend for us to lovingly support each other in our individual dreams and goals, and that we join in dreams for us to create together.

•  I intend that we feel deeply and richly loved, supported, and committed to by each other.

•  I intend that we enjoy each other’s lives, friends, families, children, interests and passions, while allowing freedom for each to enjoy facets of our lives independently as well – enriching ourselves and each other because of the experiences.

•  I intend that our communication is crystal clear, both with words and beyond words.

•  I intend that we love to travel together and that we also love to stay home together in a cocoon of love and peace.

•  I intend that we find easy compromises to meeting each other’s needs while honoring our own, resulting in ideas and realities far better than either of us could originally conceive or create.

•  I intend to stay fully awake, present, in gratitude, and enjoy this relationship, allowing it to unfold and deepen with elegance and ease.

Second, look at your beliefs around men, love, relationships, and yourself.

You may find you hold beliefs such as:

•  I’m unlucky in love.

•  Men I love don’t want committed relationships.

•  I am powerless around creating loving, committed, and fulfilling relationships.

•  I have to control my partner in order to get what I want.

•  I will/may never get what I want in my love life.

•  I am not worthy of a loving, wonderful, committed relationship.

•  I have to sacrifice what I truly want in order to be in a relationship.

Or, you may have a core belief about yourself that limits the kind of love you can receive, such as “I’m not good enough.” You can learn more about core beliefs and how to change them here.

When you discover these beliefs, change them. It’s easy to change beliefs, And when you do, everything changes.

Third, flow some energy towards the type of relationship you want.

A basic metaphysical principle is: In order to create anything you desire, you must feel the emotion of having it first. This is not an easy thing to do, and our negative self will remind us constantly that we don’t have it, making it even more difficult.

It takes courage, perseverance, determination and a deep love of oneself to hold onto the knowing and the resonance of having what we desire. I would suggest, spending at least 10 minutes, morning and evening feeling how you want to feel in your relationship. You can imagine it’s your current guy in this loving, committed relationship, but if that doesn’t feel fabulous, imagine yourself hugging a man, but you don’t see his face. Feel how good it feels to be loved, be loving, safe, secure, intimate, committed to, etc.

You absolutely can create a committed relationship, Love. But it may take a bit of work to shift your energy for it to happen.

I hope this helps you create commitment and so much more!

With love,