Conscious creation – made simple. Learn how: Subscribe

We all can have a hard time letting go of the past. Whether it’s a lover that broke your heart, a job you “should have gotten”, or a triumph you want to relive, being stuck in the past never creates a happy future (or present, for that matter).

It could be unrequited love … as a fellow creator wrote recently:

Dear Boni,

I love your website and Facebook page, but I’m struggling with a break up with someone I loved. It has been almost 5 months and I still think about her.

Any suggestions? Thanks!

Wrapped Up in What Might Have Been

Or, it might be about money …

Another fellow creator had a business in the past that did very well financially. Money flowed like a river. Her current business is scraping by (barely). But she can’t stop thinking about the “old days” and continually wonders why she can’t create this business as successful as the last one.

Then again, sometimes it’s about being taken advantage of …

Yet another creator had money problems because a client who owed him $700,000 declined to pay. Yup, that’s right. Just said, “No—I’m not paying”.  Unfortunately, the client was the US government.

This business owner was beside himself trying to figure out how to make them pay. It has been years now, and he still mulls over what he did “wrong” and how to get his money back.

What’s the harm?

One might ask, well these are justifiable situations, which might require one to think about them. What’s the big deal?

The big deal is, by continually focusing energy (i.e. thoughts and feelings) on any situation in the past is flowing energy towards (you guessed it) the past. What does that do for your future?

Generally, it recreates the past. Unless you are focused on something you had in the past that was good, and aren’t lamenting its loss but instead feeling grateful for having experienced it—then you are creating more lack. Why? What are the emotions around lamenting a wonderful past? LACK—I don’t have that anymore.

And if you are in denial

Don’t think just because you hate something in your past so much that you pretend it never happened, that you are scot-free. That energy of hate, shame, embarrassment, or fear still lives within you, and it is still creating your world. In order to be free to create a life you love, you must heal the past.

So what can you do about it?

I’m so happy you asked! There is a lot you can do about it. You can, once and for all, let go of it. Heal it. And move on.

But it’s not like Nike—“Just do it,” won’t work here. There are steps to take and if you do them wholeheartedly (i.e. with sincerity, determination and full emotion), you can move beyond your past.

Steps to letting go of the past

1. Mourn the loss of the dream. Yes, I know—I just said to stop focusing on the past and now I’m asking you to focus on it. But there is a reason for this. When you fully feel your emotions with the intention to let it go, you can.

Also, not many people allow themselves to really feel their pain, sorrow and disappointment. Unexpressed feelings don’t just go away. They live, quietly, just beneath your conscious mind, flowing those feelings 24/7.

Realize as well, even if you think you have put this issue to rest, my suspicions are you haven’t really mourned. Please know mourning the loss of a dream doesn’t mean you want it back.

For instance, you could be absolutely certain that your former mate is no good for you, yet you still think about him/her obsessively. It is because the dream of “what might have been” has died. Let yourself feel the sorrow for the loss of that dream.

2. Own you created it. This is a tough one for many. We want to believe we create everything except the bad things—those are just bad luck. But you did create it. Own that—whether it was a good or bad thing.

If it was a bad thing, it doesn’t mean you are bad for having created it. You created it unconsciously—not by “making” it happen, but by “letting” it happen. You need more love. You need more healing.

If it was a good thing, own that too. Realize you have the power and ability to create wonderful realities—you proved it. Let that in.

3.  Forgive yourself. Whether good or bad, you do need to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself, obviously, for a less than stellar creation. But also forgive yourself for not re-creating the good stuff too.

And forgive another, if appropriate. You don’t have to forgive that they did you wrong, but you can forgive what caused them to wrong you (that they are wounded and damaged). This is a subtle, but important distinction.

You will not be fully free to move on, until you have received the freedom of forgiveness.

4.  Do a “do-over”. OK this is a bit tricky. But there is a part of you that exists back in that time and space— a part that is still living in the past you are seeking to be free of. That self may be the self who is really hurting.

Go to them, in a visualization. See them in the time and space they exist in (your past), and give them the reality they wanted!

So in the case of unrequited love, give that past “you” the love not leaving, but staying, and getting married, building a life, growing old together, whatever that dream was for you.

But I don’t want to be in that relationship!

Yes, I understand that you want nothing to do with that person, but that “you” does. So give it to them. It will heal them…and you.

In the case of the woman who couldn’t recreate her successful business, give that past entrepreneur a business that never stopped growing! And then let her go. Every comparison to that past self sends the universe an order: “I am not successful.” Let. Her. Go.

In the case of the man owed money by the government, go to that man at the time the debt was due, and let him be paid.

But “I” didn’t get paid!

YOU need to let it go and focus on the future, not the past. Allow him to be free—by allowing him to be paid, and it will be easier for you to be free.

5.  Get the “goodie bag” before you leave the party. Every experience has a gift. And those we are sure have no gift whatsoever generally have the biggest gift of all. Before you close the door on this past experience, figure out what the gift was.

Here are some examples to get you started—you are the only one who can say for sure what your gift was…

    • The long gone lover may have given you a gift of realizing you can create a mate, or the gift of self-love. You may have realized in your sadness that you do deserve more—you deserve someone to love you unconditionally, and it may have been the impetus to do the work you have done on yourself (or are about to do).
    • The disappointed entrepreneur may have received the gift of owning her power—she did create amazing success. And/or the gift of humility—realizing each day must be created anew; and/or realizing that expecting that past successes guarantee future success is a very subtle form of entitlement.
    • The double crossed professional may have been given the gift of discernment—hopefully being better able to detect a “wise business decision” from a “not so wise one”. Or they may have been given a gift of “letting go”. Even though it was an expensive lesson, the gift is worth exponentially more. If one can let go of disappointments, and expectations of how money or other creations should show up, the sky is virtually the limit.

6.  Be different now. This experience in your life changed you. You can allow that (and the work you do here) to move you into another state of being. A more powerful, wise and insightful being. Don’t let it be for nothing. Own you are more. And also own you are free.

7.  Create anew—as an empowered, more “whole” person. Okay, here is the fun part. Assuming you have done the work thus far and you are free from the ball and chain that was holding you back, what do you want to create with your newfound freedom and power?

Dream new dreams! Follow The Map to create those dreams! But don’t forget to take a look at possible beliefs that may have created that past you have just become free from.

The lover may have beliefs such as:

I cannot create a long-term, committed, wonderful relationship.
Love hurts.
Women abandon me.
I can’t trust women.
It isn’t safe to fall in love.

The entrepreneur may have beliefs such as:

I was lucky to get one good break, I can’t have another.
It is hard to create success.
I can’t create my business succeeding.
Money is difficult to come by.
Abundance in the universe is limited.

The swindled professional may have beliefs such as:

People take advantage of me.
I can’t trust people.
No matter how hard I work, or how filled with integrity I am, I will be cheated in the end.

Money can be just taken away.
I don’t deserve to be rich.

The beliefs that caused the past reality do need to be changed. But the good news is, you are the one who can change them.

You can do this. You can be free. Ask for help from your unseen friends before you begin this work. And expect to receive it. You (and they) are more powerful than you know.

Happy creating my friends!


PS. Are you tired of being wrapped up in lamenting things in your past but don’t know how to go about letting go?  Our Healing Disappointments Guided Meditation makes this process simple by walking you through each step so you can truly let go of thoughts that are holding you back. It’s time to heal past disappointments so you can create the space you need to dream up a life you love.

10 comments add a comment

10 comments to " You Can’t Create the Future If You’re All Wrapped Up in the Past "

  • MrChris Carter


  • Glayne Simpkins

    Oh thank you so much again for replying to me. I will definitely look at my beliefs, is there anything that was jumping out t you from my message.

    Thanks again Boni



  • Glayne Simpkins

    Hi Boni

    I have lost a brilliant relationship. I would very much like another chance with this person but I accept that may not happen. One thing I have been doing is writing down all the reasons I am grateful for that relationship and that person. My thinking was to either get another chance or create a new relationship with more of these qualities. Am I on the right lines or do you think this could be confusing the universe of my wants and/or stopping me from moving on?

    Thank you

    Lots of love


    • Gem,

      You are absolutely on the right lines. I would also take a look at my beliefs, if I were you.

      Wishing you the most beautiful relationship imaginable!


  • shaleigh

    I am currently dealing with a very confused and scared,messed up 18 year old. With a baby boy. In an abusive marriage involving domestic violence, in a day and time when you laid in the bed you made and kept your mouth shut. That 18 year old is me, and I have to help her. My question is, what is acceptable to do with the abusive husband? What she wanted at that time was all twisted up in a pathological relationship and what she thought was love when he would apologize and then treat her kindly.And nowhere to turn to for help. What she wanted was for him to stop and be the man of her dreams, but the woman I currently am thinks he needs to be sitting in prison and wants nothing to do with him ever again. Thank you

  • gaiacnm

    Giving my other “me” what I wanted in the relationship? how does that help? How is that not being obsessive and silly?

    • Boni

      Actually it helps a great deal. Since you are creating your world with energy, if you stop flowing energy to a “bad” relationship by giving a “past you” what he/she wanted, you free up that energy to go into creating a “good” relationship.

      You may not be ready for this step yet, though. So if it sounds obsessive and silly to you, don’t do it. If you do the exercise with that attitude it is certain not to be effective. You are, after all, creating it all.

      much love,

      • jo

        how can i create new world with a person, and this person also ruin my emotion and create anger, should i leave this person? and when the that my sorrow raised so high, i imagine that the result of this sorrow will be anger for this person, and i might hurt this person back because of this emotion. should i let go or stay even i see staying will lead to deeper anger and pain?

        • Boni


          I cannot tell you whether you should leave or not. But I will tell you that forgiveness will free you to create your new world. Please get some professional help to assist you in processing the anger and pain. Then it will be easier to know what to do.

          Sending you love and light,

Share Your Thoughts

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *