Love—true, deep, committed love, seems illusive to many. Some have created partners but the relationship is less than ideal. Others have created unrequited love—one-sided love affairs ending far too soon. Still others wait, patiently or not, for true love to find them, while deep down, they fear it never will.

Know wherever you find yourself; it’s not an accident that you are there. We all are creating it all, all of the time—our love life is no exception. And wherever you want to be regarding love, you can create it. The very best relationship you can imagine can be yours, once you become conscious in your creations.

Here are some magical tips to skyrocket your love life, no matter where you find yourself on the “Love-O-Meter”:

You Have a Relationship but It Could Be Better

So many find themselves in this place—you have a partner but you’re not as happy in the partnership as you’d once dreamed. What to do? Do this:

1.    Own your power.
People in ongoing partnerships find it easy to fall into the “blame game”.  “So and so does thus and such…aren’t they awful?” “Don’t you feel sorry for me…” and “What can I do when I have a partner like mine?”

Well, the truth is, you are creating your partner. I know, he or she is creating it too—it’s a paradox—both are true. But in order to change your relationship you must approach it as if you are the only one creating it.

2.    Get your mad out.
Ask yourself if you have any old, unresolved issues with your partner. If so, write them a letter expressing your hurt, anger, etc. When you are done with the letter, burn it.

In order to move into a positive future, you need to let go of the past. For good. Obviously if you need to talk with your partner about these issues, do so…but nine times out of ten the issues have been talked to death already. Time to let them go.

3.    Get clear about what you want.
I know you say you want a loving, giving, caring and intimate partnership. But I’ve seen plenty of couples that really want to argue. Plenty of others that only want to be right.  Still others who want to control their mate.

Be brutally honest with yourself and let go of any hidden agendas. Get clear on your relationship intentions and write them down.

4.    Change those pesky beliefs.
Those who follow my work are probably saying, “Oh no, not again—when’s she gonna get off the belief nagging?” Sorry folks. Never. Beliefs are the crux of why everything is the way it is in your life.

Ask yourself if you have any of these beliefs—if so change them to the corresponding positive belief:

I don’t have the ability to create a loving relationship with my partner.
I do have the ability to create a loving relationship with my partner.

It is not safe to allow my partner to support me.
It is safe to allow my partner to support me.

I can never let my guard down within my relationship.
I can relax and receive sustenance within my relationship.

If things go too smoothly in my relationship I get nervous and create a problem.
If things go too smoothly in my relationship I feel happy and create even more ease.

Relationships are difficult.
Relationships are easy.

Relationships take incredible amounts of energy.
Relationships give incredible amounts of energy.

I am always angry in my loving relationship.
I trust the love in my loving relationship.

My relationship is never “good enough”.
My relationship is always “good and getting better”.

I give more than I receive in relationship.
I both give and receive in relationship.

I am powerless in relationship.
I am powerful in relationship.

5.    Imagine what you do want.
Our reality is a result of what we think, what we feel and what we believe. Nothing on the outside will change until you change what happens inside. Begin imagining how you want to feel about your loving partnership.

Caution: Do not, repeat, do not imagine what your partner will do or say. Do not get into details. Let the universe handle the details. If you decide, “If he or she loved me they would do/say/act this way…” you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

Instead, imagine how you will feel when you have the relationship you desire. Perhaps those feelings include… feeling loved, grateful, loving, cared for, respected, playful, safe, intimate, tender, vulnerable, appreciated, secure and joyous. Practice feeling that way as you think about your relationship. Imagine your relationship fills you with those feelings now.

6.    Forget the bad, focus on the good, and leave “perfectionism” out of it.
What you give attention to expands. Practice ignoring what you dislike and think and speak about only what you like. (Obviously I am talking about the little things here—not major issues, which should not be ignored.)

I talked with a woman once who was fuming that her husband was so selfish that he made only his half of the bed each morning, leaving her half unmade. I counseled her to experiment with ignoring that behavior, and instead focusing on and being grateful for anything good she could possibly think of about her husband.

It didn’t take long for his selfish behavior to turn to loving behavior. This woman was shocked, but pleased, that a simple shift in her thinking could make such a big difference in her marriage.

Your reality is what you create it being, and your loving partnership is no exception. Stop the blame game and start creating the love you love. When’s a better day to begin?

However, if:

You Have Had Relationships (But None That Last)

There is help for you too! I suspect many in this boat feel like my friend who wrote this letter:

Dear Boni,

Because of your work, I have gained the confidence to go out with other singles (and even by myself!). I get dressed up and feel good about myself.

And this past year, I became even braver! I told my friends I was getting “a boyfriend” for Christmas! I said that a million times AND I believed it.

Sure enough, I met a couple of men, and I started dating one man exclusively. We had an absolute blast over the holidays and I had the BEST New Year ever!

Then, just last week, it was over. And I’m back to being alone and starting over once again.

I know I need to believe, have faith and not feel desperate; but I’m so fearful of accepting that I’m alone now.

I do believe that the universe will know when it is right for me to meet a man who really wants to be with me. But what if the universe decides that it shouldn’t happen until I’m 60?

I have so much love to share… but I just can’t seem to attract someone who is real, sincere, and wants to be with me. My dreams are so huge and I crave so much. And it’s all related to finding the love of a man and sharing my life with him. Please help me?

Signed,
Alone and Lonely

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First, to all you “alone and lonely” people out there, the universe doesn’t decide when you find love. You do. And don’t cop out with the excuse, “It’s not meant to be.” If you want a relationship, then it’s meant to be because you want it to be. You are the one creating the relationship (or the lack of one).

Once you’re clear about that little (read big) detail, make sure you do these things too:

1.    Scour your beliefs for the ones that sabotage you.
My friends, every single time, it comes down to what you believe. How do you tell if you believe it? These beliefs may not feel like yours because they might be beliefs your child self holds, or your adolescent self or your young adult self.

But there is one fail-proof way to tell if a belief is yours. Look at your reality. Is this what you’ve created in your life? Do you see it in the lives of your friends and family? Do you see it reflected back in mainstream media? Then, it’s your belief.

Take a look at these beliefs and see if you don’t recognize some as yours—and remember, the list below is not all-inclusive.

I can’t have lasting love.
I can have lasting love.

I cannot trust (wo)men.
I can trust some (wo)men.

I am never fully safe in a committed relationship.
I am always fully safe in a committed relationship.

I lose myself in when I’m in relationship.
I discover myself in when I’m in relationship.

Love hurts.
Love heals.

I cannot trust the one I love.
I can trust the one I love.

I am not worthy of a worthy (wo)man.
I am worthy of a worthy (wo)man.

It is never safe to give your heart to another human being.
It is sometimes safe to give your heart to another human being.

Being in a relationship means you are always on guard and never at peace.
Being in a relationship means you are loved and cherished and always at peace.

A relationship takes over your life.
A relationship enhances your life.

2.    Bless the ones who “got away”.
Many people want to “skip over” the failed relationships and pretend they don’t count. But by discounting them you give your subconscious mind the idea that you learned nothing and are doomed to repeat the “mistakes”.

Make a list of all of your romantic relationships, from adolescence on, and write out the good things about each and every one of them. Then, with gratitude, let them go. Imagine them all floating away, with love.

3.    Get a life.
I mean this in the kindest way possible, but if you hang all your hopes, dreams and happiness on another human being, you will never create him or her, not to mention creating the rest of your dreams. And if you do happen to create any of the above, it will not make you happy.

Find your passion. Live life to the fullest. Fall in love with yourself and your life, and manifesting a relationship will be a piece of cake.

4.    See yourself as “Together and Fulfilled” instead of “Alone and Lonely”.
I know, you aren’t in a relationship, so it is tough to see yourself with someone. But you must. You have to shift the resonance you are emitting in order to manifest something different (i.e. a partner).

Just imagine your “significant other” is away, traveling, coming home soon. You don’t have to tell anyone this, but in your mind, imagine him or her in your life, and you being ecstatic about that. Meanwhile, see number three.

5.    Prepare for lasting love.
Taking “action” is an important piece of the manifestation process. It lets your subconscious know you really expect this to happen.

Clean out some drawers for his or her stuff, feng shui the bedroom, buy some toiletries for your partner to be, read books about lasting love. Take physical, real steps in your outer world, and take emotional and mental steps in your inner world.

You can create this, Alone and Lonelies. But you need to shift the way you think, feel and what you believe is possible for you. And count your blessings…you have at least created some good possibilities!

Whereas some are here…

You’re Afraid You’ll Spend the Rest of Your Life Alone

For those who never ever (or hardly ever) date…but dream of a loving partnership, please don’t give up hope. You can create this. Here is where to start:

1.    Be totally honest with yourself.
First, ask yourself if you really want a loving partnership. I don’t believe being in a partnership is right for every person at any given time. I know personally I’ve gone through years where I just didn’t want one. I wore a wedding ring to stave off interested men.

Some dreams of “lasting love” may be dreams your parents or friends had for you, but when you are perfectly honest, it may not be your dream. Or it may not be your dream right now.

But if it is, stop pining for it and commit to creating it.

2.    Make a list of why you don’t want love.
Yes, there are reasons you don’t want love. What might they be?

I’m afraid if I create it I won’t be able to keep it.
I’m afraid it will take too much of my free time.
I’m afraid I’ll lose myself.
I’m afraid I’ll get hurt.
I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone else.
I’m afraid of the responsibility.
I’m afraid I’m not worthy.
I don’t deserve.
I’m too fat.
I’m too old.
I’m too set in my ways.
Women are __________.
Men are __________.

3.    Change the beliefs standing in your way.
Yup. Every single one of those reasons you don’t want it have a belief underneath that needs changing. Scour your subconscious for the beliefs that are standing in your way and change them!

4.    Do one technique a day.
You have to do more than set your intentions to create change in your world. You have to “flow energy” towards what it is you want. What are you flowing now? “I’m alone. I cannot create lasting love.”

OK that has to change. Commit to doing one technique every single day. This, combined with the belief work, is going to shift your reality.

5.    Watch your world for “signs” that love is on its way.
It is going to be challenging for you to create the love you want, but it is absolutely do-able. The way to stay positive and excited about your “partner to come” is to watch for “signs” that it will happen.

What do signs look like? They are little changes in your reality in the part of your life you are intending to shift. So in this case, signs might be:

•  You have brunch at your favorite restaurant and see a wedding party taking photographs on the lawn.

•  The pharmacist flirts with you when you fill a prescription.

•  Your mother calls and tells you she dreamt you got married.

Now many people would miss these “happenings” as “signs”. And even worse, some would respond in a way that stops the creation. Here are some common responses to watch out for, and some “flow strengthening” responses to remember:

•  You have brunch at your favorite restaurant and see a wedding party taking photographs on the lawn.

Common response: Geez. Way to ruin my perfect Saturday brunch. Now instead of enjoying my meal I’m thinking, “Why not me?”

Flow strengthening response: Gosh, what are the chances I would pick this day and time to have brunch here? Thank you universe! I know this “coincidence” is not a coincidence at all, but a “sign” that my dream is becoming manifest!

•  The pharmacist flirts with you when you fill a prescription.

Common response: These guys are all talk and no action. He’s probably married. Men!

Flow strengthening response: I must be putting out the vibe. One more sign means one more step towards a lifetime of joy with the man of my dreams. Nice!

•  Your mother calls and tells you she dreamt you got married.

Common response: She’s probably judging me for still being single. Doesn’t she know I’ve been trying all these years? Something must be wrong with me.

Flow strengthening response: This is totally trippy. Even my mom is giving me signs now!

No matter where you are in your love life or lack thereof, every section of this article will help you understand how to create the love you want. You are more powerful than you can even imagine.

Now, go forth and love (and be loved)!

In joyous creation,