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Yeah, it can be that easy…

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“The individual is always the exception. ‘Everybody can’t…’ but anybody can.” ~ Richard Bach

A friend of mine was telling me how much fun she had recently when her sister came to visit. They spent a few days in a quaint little town called Blackrock, once a mining town turned gaming town.

My friend’s sister, we’ll call her Marie, is quite new to the concept of reality creation.

As they sat down at the slots to try their ‘luck’, Marie said, “I don’t know why I gamble. I never win.”

“Don’t say that,” my friend said, “Say… I haven’t won YET!”

Marie laughed and said, “Ok, I haven’t won YET! Hey, wouldn’t it be great to win enough money to cover my plane fare out here?”

And she turned and put a coin in the machine. JACKPOT! Marie won 60,000 nickels – $300!

Her plane ticket was $301.65.

Astonished, she turned to my friend, “I can’t believe this!”

My friend replied, “It’s amazing, isn’t it? Now, can you allow yourself to receive even more than the cost of the plane ticket?”

Grinning, Marie turned away to cash in her winnings. When she came back, her grin had grown even wider.

“What’s up?” my friend asked.

“You’re not going to believe this…”

“What? Tell me!”

“When I got to the machine to get my cash, there was a $100 bill already in the tray!!”

On the other hand…

I was traveling myself this past weekend, attending a seminar with some very seasoned magicians who probably have more tools and knowledge about conscious reality creation than 99.99999% of the world.

As we sat down to lunch, I found myself listening to an in-depth discussion about how expensive and unaffordable the menu items were.

I did not participate. And I wondered if they realized how much energy they were giving to lack. Instead of focusing on how much they could afford they focused on what they thought they couldn’t.

Obviously it isn’t how much you know that makes reality manifest the way you want it to. It’s being conscious of the energy (words, thoughts, emotions, etc.) you are emitting.

How can you allow more magic in your life?

  1. Remember who you are. You are a spark of the divine. You create your own reality. Really. All of it. Isn’t it time to create it consciously?
  2. Let go of your cynicism, doubt and the past. Today is a new day folks. Don’t think, “I haven’t created my dream life”. Think, “I haven’t created my dream life yet.” Better still, “I intend to create my dream life, in the perfect timing, with elegance and ease and harm to none.”
  3. Desire something. Anything. Make a list of 10 little things you’d like to have happen. Like, a surprise within the next week, a compliment in the next day, an extra $50, an unexpected gift in the mail, a joyous evening, etc.
  4. Open to the possibility. Marie did it. You can too.
  5. Notice what you receive. You have to pay attention folks, and search out the wins. We tend to focus on what’s missing. Not because we are bad, but because we are habituated to do that. We go unconscious and forget every word we speak, every thought we have, and every emotion we feel is creating our world.
    It takes a commitment to really look for the positive to be able to see it. Now all ten things may not manifest in a week. If seven do is that a win? Five? How about one? YES! Anything is a win!! The wins, if given attention, expand into more wins!!! This isn’t the only list you’ll ever get. You can make another one next week.
  6. Allow that to expand. Here is a great way to receive a little win: “Ok universe, I asked for $50 and received $10. AWESOME! That must mean $40 more is on the way to me!! I rock! I created this! Yahoo!! I live in a loving and supportive universe and am consciously creating my reality!”
    And then, when the full $50 arrives: “Hooray!! I created this entire $50!! I am so happy! I wonder what it would be like to add a zero to that? Hmmm… ok universe, let’s create $500 in my reality!”
  7. Be grateful. For things you asked for, for things you didn’t, for everything that is right and good in your world. Gratitude is a magical energy. Whatever you sprinkle it on grows.

Try this at home folks. And let me know when your list of 10 weekly desires begins to show up. I’m so excited… I’m going to make a list of my 10, and at the top, will be:

10 people emailed me success stories about their list of 10!

In joyous creation,
Boni

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Don’t just sit there – do something!

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“He who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence.” ~ William Blake

 

If you have a dream and are not acting on it I say you have not a dream but a fantasy. And hey, that’s cool. Fantasies are fun.

But they are also frivolous. And they seldom, if ever, manifest in reality.

All I ask is – don’t fool yourself. And don’t give this Universe of Free Will a bad name by pretending you don’t create it all because your ‘dream’ didn’t happen.

To have a dream without action gives the universe conflicting messages. On one hand, you say you want this dream, on the other, you don’t really expect it to happen.

“What! Of course I expect it to happen!”

If you did, my friend, you would be taking action – showing the universe you are serious about this dream and fully expect its manifestation.

Hold on…

I’m not talking about blind action. If your dream is to move to Bali I am not talking about getting on a bus today despite not having the money to make it further thanPoughkeepsie.

I am talking about taking small, definitive steps towards that dream. Like:

Buy a book on Bali.

Join an online forum of ex-pats who now live in Bali.

Plan an exploratory trip toBali.

Make plans about what you will take, how much that will cost, and pare down your belongings now.

“Wait, I don’t want to begin getting rid of things – what if I never move there?”

Sweetheart, if you aren’t sure enough that you want to move to Bali to begin getting rid of the things you wouldn’t want to take with you, you should not be intending to move to Bali!

Instead, your intentions might be something like these:

  • I intend to become clear on where I want to live.
  • I intend to live in a place that is beautiful, warm, sensuous, loving, spiritual and exciting.
  • I intend to have fun adventures in my life.
  • I intend to try out various places to live (includingBali) in the next few years in an easy, elegant, flowing, freeing fashion.

Notice the new intentions do not preclude Bali, but they expand into a much wider range of possibilities.

These possibilities could manifest as a job with international travel (adventure) and a home base in sunny California or Florida (beautiful and warm) in a community so loving and connected (sensuous and spiritual) you are filled with all of the qualities you desired and more. You meet the love of your life there (loving) and suddenly you can’t imagine living anywhere else (clarity!).

Now maybe you didn’t know you weren’t that clear about moving to Bali until it came time to sell off some of your stuff… and it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that when you start taking action, if you are paying attention, you do become clearer.

But more than that – taking action speaks volumes to your subconscious mind. Action solidifies your intention and strengthens your flow of energy towards that dream. Action is part of creation.

Now don’t just sit there – take a step towards that dream of yours today!

In joyous creation,
Boni

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Ya Gotta Let It Flow Baby!

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“From time to time it’s fun to close your eyes, and in that dark say to yourself, “I am the sorcerer, and when I open my eyes I shall see a world that I have created, and for which I and only I am completely responsible.” Slowly then, eyelids open like curtains lifting stage-center. And sure enough, there’s your world, just the way you built it.”
~ Richard Bach

 

Ok so hopefully by now you are so excited you can hardly stand it! You have begun to let it sink in that you, yes you, create every single bit of the world you call your own.

Wow, that is amazing isn’t it?

But simply knowing you create your reality is not enough. If you want to manifest something consciously, you must flow energy towards that desire.

Why flow energy?

If you don’t flow energy nothing will change. You will get what you’ve always gotten, a lot of mediocrity – some good things and some not so good. This is what people call good and bad luck.

When you don’t pay attention and flow energy purposefully you are still creating your reality. Not by making things happen (consciously) but by letting things happen (unconsciously).

Imagine you are a car. And the fuel to get you to your destination (your desire) is energy (emotion).

The more fuel you put in, the faster you go and the faster you get to your destination, right?

Except there is this thing, lets call it anti-fuel. Negativity.

Negativity neutralizes the fuel so that is it powerless. And if it is strong enough, it propels you backwards – further away from the thing that you want.

To flow energy you need to imagine the thing you want and feel positive emotion about it at the same time.

Exactly how do you do it?

There are no limits as to how to flow energy! Just as there are no limits as to what you are capable of creating.

Two critical components are:

  1. Thinking about having the thing you want (notice I did not say think about the thing… but think about having the thing – a subtle but important difference)
  2. Feeling positive emotion (joy, excitement, peace, abundant, happy, free, secure, etc.)

Remember ~ emotion is the key!

Try this technique:

“Igniting Intentions!”

You have your intentions written out right? Uh oh. Back to step one for you.

Now, you have your intentions written out right? “Igniting Intentions” is a technique to light them on fire (metaphorically folks) and notify them, all the aspects of you, and the world at large that you are all about seeing them through to manifestation!

This technique is a way to put attention on, thereby flow energy to, everything on your list of intentions.

Every morning, and every evening, read your intentions (out loud if it is comfortable to do so). What? You don’t have time? Excuse me??

The creation of your world should be your top priority. Kids? Put ‘em in the intentions. Job? It too. Spouse, of course they should be there.

Everything in your world should be in your intentions. You are creating everything anyway – you may as well create everything the way you desire it.

If your intentions are not the most important thing in your life, you don’t understand the way your universe works.

So, read your intentions, each morning and every evening before bed, and just before you read them, read this (or something like this, in your own words if you prefer):

“I call upon my higher self, my soul, my spirit and all unseen friends who would love to assist me in the conscious creation of my personal heaven on earth. I ask for your support and assistance in manifesting all of my intentions with ease, elegance, in the perfect timing and with harm to none.

I request assistance with becoming aware of and understanding any beliefs or habits that stand in my way and that the learning and growing resulting from this process is gentle and loving.

Please also assist me in feeling the emotions fully as I read and manifest these intentions and help me recognize and own the little and big signs that will show these realities manifesting in my world.

I ask your assistance in helping me to manifest a dream even better than my intentions state, and I thank you in advance for your love and support.”

And then, read your intentions. With excitement! With joy! With love and gratitude because the more you can feel these states of emotion the quicker and better your intentions will manifest in your world!

Drop me an email at Boni@livealifeyoulove.com and let me know how the universe is responding to your flowing the fuel for your dreams!

In joyous creation,
Boni

PS Visit my new Facebook page and Like it to receive daily inspiration to create a life you love! http://www.facebook.com/CreateAndLiveALifeYouLove

 

Filed Under: Step 2 - Focus Energy

7 Steps to Turn Your Reality Around

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“Before you’ll change, something important must be at risk.” ~ Richard Bach

Not many years ago, I filed for bankruptcy. How, you may ask, can one who purports to know “reality creation” have sunk so low?

Easy really – I got caught up in lack and scarcity. Nearly everything in my life was changing quicker than I could assimilate it. I became more and more panicked. Money was the thing I panicked most about.

I knew I could create abundance. But instead of having patience and slowly allowing the reality to unfold I could only focus on not having what I wanted. Subsequently I received more and more of what I didn’t want. One creditor finally forced my hand and I had no choice but to do what I feared most – go bankrupt.

I knew I shouldn’t have been focusing on lack. But oftentimes it’s easier said than done.

We have a tendency to know what we want yet we focus on the fact that we don’t have it yet. That focus creates a spiral of negativity that can completely sabotage the very thing we’re trying to create. Of course it doesn’t manifest. Then we worry more about not having it, and so on and so on.

Usually we lose faith that we’ll ever get what we want, when faith (a.k.a. patiently knowing it is coming) is the very thing we need. So what do you do if you find yourself in this abyss?

  1. Stop– The first thing that it is imperative to do is take a break! Stop the negative thinking! The path you’re on when you get into a negative spiral like this (or martyrdom, or self-pity) is only going to bring you more lack and scarcity. Take a walk. Take in a movie. Meditate – you may want to, in your meditation, climb to the highest meditative mountain and scream at the top of your metaphysical lungs “NO MORE NEGATIVITY! STOP THIS REALITY NOW!” Then see yourself in the reality you do want. You may want to use a flower essence remedy to change your resonance, or hold a piece of citrine crystal, but the most important thing is to cease the emotion and thought filled with lack.
  1. Regroup and Remember – Once you’ve had a chance to take a break from the bad vibes, it’s time to remember what is real. You really do create your reality. All of it. Not all consciously yet, but you do and you cancreate it fully consciously eventually. Begin today. Do whatever you need to do to regain that knowing and solidity of the power and ability you hold to change your world. Listen to tapes, read books, call a friend, but regain the deep knowing that you are the creator of your life.
  1. Slow Down – One of the biggest obstacles to really allowing tremendous abundance is not being patient enough. Although I have created some marvelous little miracles, the big ones usually take time. I know you don’t want it to be this way, but it is. Patience, however, pays off big time. Usually once you have patience, things move at lightning speed (how’s that for a paradox?). That is because having patience does speed things up! You are no longer holding off what you desire by thinking about it not being here! Once I started really implementing this principle, I went from a temp to a manager to a vp to president to full 100% ownership of my own company within 2 ½ years!
  1. Clarify – Now that you have some confidence back, what is it you really want? And how will that feel? Write it down in the form of an intention.
  1. Take Stock – Are you doing what it takes to create what you want? Are you focusing on it? Are you taking action on it? Are you paying attention to what the universe is offering you in response, and adjusting your beliefs, action, focusing accordingly?
  1. Give Thanks– Gratitude is a powerful, powerful resonance. Use it. There is something to be grateful for in every part of your life. I remember having the rent due, no job, no money and just sitting down with a little tiny check that would cover only 5% of what I owed… but I looked at that check and thought, “I created this. Over one hundred dollars! This money has come to me by my power, thoughts, emotions and choice. Plus I have unseen friends to guide and assist me in my creations. I am so blessed.” I refused to think about anything except what I wanted. I refused to feel anything but abundant. And boy did my life change!
  1. Celebrate – Like I celebrated that little check, let every single thing you can represent a win. Affirm you’re receiving the things you desire… even the littlest signs. You are building the energy, and the little signs build bigger signs and eventually the actual reality. But only if you keep the juice flowing!

In joyous creation,
Boni

PS Visit my new Facebook page and Like it to receive daily inspiration to create a life you love! http://www.facebook.com/CreateAndLiveALifeYouLove

 

 

Filed Under: Troubleshooting

Is the Universe Working on My Dream?

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“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it however.” ~ Richard Bach

 

Dear Boni,

Is the Universe working on my dreams?

Signed ~ Beautiful Dreamer

 

Dear Beautiful Dreamer,

Yes. The same way you could ask, as you send a document from your computer to your printer, ‘is the computer working on my document?’ The universe has no choice but to work on your dream, the same way your computer has no choice whether or not to send your document to your printer.

The universe is like a computer. Garbage in garbage out. Fear, scarcity, struggle, lack and disappointment in; fear, scarcity, struggle, lack and disappointment out. Love, abundance, joy, creativity, ease and elegance in; love, abundance, joy, creativity, ease and elegance out.

Of course, if you believe the universe is a scary, difficult, malevolent place, your belief will seem to prove you right. So if you think of the world as dangerous and inhospitable, I suggest changing that belief.

Ultimately I think the more important question to ask is, ‘are you working on your dream?’

In my experience, a lot of people like the idea of creating their own reality, but few people actually do anything about it.

Be the exception. Begin. Today. Begin by writing down your intentions. If you have sample intentionswritten down, do a focusing technique. Take action. Do something.

Don’t settle for a life you like. Live a life you love.

In joyous creation,
Boni

PS Want some daily inspiration? Join me on Facebook!  http://www.facebook.com/Live.a.Life.You.Love

 

Filed Under: q & a, Step 1 - Desire

Why Should You Listen to Me?

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“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it.
Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers.” ~ Richard Bach

 A reader asked recently:

“And if your own life is not exactly as you yourself wish it all of the time, what impels you to believe that you can help anyone else ‘create’ their personal reality?” ~ William

Dear William,

Good question.

I have thought a lot about how much to tell of what I have created. But you are right… if I haven’t done it how could I effectively teach others to do it for themselves?

I came from a very working class family. Money was always a struggle. My father had a ninth grade education and although my mother did graduate from high school, our family struggled. And joy wasn’t exactly abundant. When I came upon the idea that we create our realities, I was still struggling and still mired in self-pity, hopelessness and helplessness.

At first I wasn’t very good at conscious creating. I created little things but not much else. What the concept of conscious creation and my spiritual growth did do, however, was help me take a long hard look at my life, and figure out what I wanted, instead of what other people (and society) wanted for me.

I let go of a lot of what I didn’t want in my life before I began to discover what I did want. It wasn’t long after that I began to get the hang of conscious creation. I worked diligently at creating my dream. I tackled one area of life, and then another, and another and another, until, finally, I had a life I loved.

My life now is most people’s wildest fantasy:

  • We have two homes, totaling more than 20,000 square feet, both newly furnished. One is on the ocean in the Bahamas, and one is on a mountainside overlooking Boulder,Colorado.
  • Five years ago I had never had a passport. Today my passport is so full I have to send it in soon to have more pages added.
  • We travel in private jets and sail the world in our home away from homes.
  • I started a business in my spare bedroom with $25 and grew it into a $5 million company.
  • I married the love of my life a year and a half ago in Fiji.
  • Together we have 9 children and 10 grandchildren and I have created freedom, peace, compassionate detachment and joy around all of my relationships (having had my share of challenges with children).
  • I am transitioning into my current joy professionally – writing and speaking about conscious creation.
  • I am in great health, and most people are surprised at my 54 years on the planet.
  • But most importantly, I am happy. Truly, seriously, delightfully, deliciously happy.

And that is the best part of my life. I have learned, no matter what, that happiness really is not dependent upon what I have or don’t have. My happiness is my choice. And the absolutely coolest part about getting good at conscious  creation, is the ‘trappings’ of life – the money, success, opportunities, etc come naturally if you allow them to, once you have the happiness piece down.

But alas, you didn’t ask how I did it only what leads me to believe I can help others. Well, I didn’t just happen upon this life. I set out very consciously to create a life I loved. I broke it down, step by step, piece by piece, and ferreted out what wasn’t working in my energy field and shifted it. And my life shifted – time after time after time. I think people might find what I learned makes their journey easier.

But don’t take my word for it. Visit my website and take a look at the ‘HUGS’ section and the brand new ‘SUCCESS page. Since this is a new endeavor, I haven’t’ really taught many what I know yet. Still, people are finding value and having successes.

However, is my life “exactly as you yourself wish it all of the time”? Hell no! And I hope it never is for long. Why?

Because when I stop having new dreams it is time to leave the planet. By nature, human beings need to dream. And quite honestly, until this world is one I’m proud to call home, there is still work to be done.

Also, (dammit) I’m human. I’m going to screw up. I screw up often. And when we screw up sometimes we mis-create. So if you are looking for the perfect teacher who never has a bad day… I suggest you look elsewhere. You won’t find her here.

But if you’re looking for a friend to hold the lantern of absolutely certainly that you too, can create a life you love, because she proved the concept in her own life (albeit not perfectly), glad to meet you friend (learner, doer, teacher).

In joyous creation,
Boni

 

Filed Under: my story, q & a

Seriously – Why do you even need me?

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“Find the greatest teachers, ask the hardest questions, they never say, “Study philosophy,” or, “Get your degree.” They say, “You already know.”” ~ Richard Bach


Dear Boni,

What can you do for me that I cannot do for myself? And if your own life is not exactly  as you yourself wish it all of the time, what impels you to believe that you can help any one else “create” their personal reality?

William


Dear William,

I can do nothing for you that you cannot do for yourself. You have everything within you to succeed in creating a dream come true for yourself, your loved ones and your world.

My question to you is – are you doing it?

If you are, clearly you do not require my assistance. Go – enjoy your life!

If you are not – then maybe you, like I did, can learn from and receive help from others. If my words speak to you, wonderful – I am grateful and honored. If not, keep looking (and asking) for those that will.

We are not in this alone. There is more help out there for us than our (relatively) tiny human brains can grasp. Why not receive it?

I have learned from many teachers. Some were teachers for a day, an hour, or less. Others have been with me for more than two decades. Some of my students were also my teachers. And for some of my teachers I have been a teacher to as well.

That said, I don’t think anyone who calls themselves a teacher is necessarily helpful. And while one teacher may be helpful to one, at one level of growth, to another that same teaching could be harmful.

Discernment is very important. Never automatically take a teacher’s truth as your own – try it on. Think about it. Feel about it.

My personal litmus test is: Is my life changing for the better? Whether for a moment, because someone’s words made me feel lighter, or forever, because someone’s technique to access my own power worked.

Teachers don’t do it for us, but make it easier and hopefully more fun to do it for ourselves. Earth can be a difficult place to remember who you are. Personally I’ll take all the help I can get!

Next blog, I will answer the other question you asked, William:

“And if your own life is not exactly as you yourself wish it all of the time, what impels you to believe that you can help any one else “create” their personal reality?”

In joyous creation,
Boni

 

Filed Under: q & a

How the Law of Attraction (Really) Works

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“Cherish your visions. Cherish your ideals. Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment, of these, if you but remain true to them your world will at last be built.” ~ James Allen

 A lot has been written over the years about the law of attraction. Some of it is true. And some of it isn’t. And some of it is partially true, which is the most misleading of all.

In 1902 James Allen wrote, “As a Man Thinketh” an oft quoted and popular book read by many who desire to learn about the law of attraction. And although Mr. Allen is correct in his assertion that thoughts are important in affecting one’s world, what is missing is the other piece.

Emotions.

Emotions are key in creating. You could think about money but if you are feeling fear while you have the thought you are actually creating a lack of money. If you think about love but are sad because you don’t feel you have enough love, you are creating a lack of love.

Thoughts and emotions create your reality. All of it.

What you think about and the feelings you have while you think those thoughts, are like magnets, attracting circumstances, things, opportunities and people to you in precisely the way that makes you feel the same exact way.

It is not just the thought that creates. We have thousands of thoughts a day. Obviously they are not all manifest. What creates our reality is a thought connected to an emotion. And not just one thought and one emotion, but a steady stream of thoughts and emotions. And not only regular old thoughts and emotions, but everything connected to those thoughts and emotions, such as subconscious beliefs, actions, attitudes, perceptions, choices – basically ‘all that is’ around the topic (thought).

I call this ‘all that is’ essence.

What’s it boil down to?

So really, essence creates essence. Are you letting that in? Essence creates essence.

 All of what you feel and act upon and think about with relation to a topic (which is the essence of that topic) draws to it a reality that is in alignment with that essence. The manifestations of that essence may take many forms. But ultimately, the way you feel when you receive the reality will be the same emotions you felt to create it.

This is the reason visualization alone or thought alone will not create realities that are fulfilling if they create them at all. How many people in our world have focused on money, or jobs or people to make them happy, whole, or feel like they belong, only to be disappointed – even though they did manifest the thing they thought they wanted?

Applying the law

In order to change your reality and to create something different than you have had in the past, you must force the essence of that topic or thought to change.

Instead of performing mental gymnastics to try and figure out what essence you were providing (which is likely lack, fear, hardship, struggle, etc), figure out what essence you prefer.

If you want something, say more money, think about what the essence is you are really seeking. What emotional fulfillment will money bring you?

Security?

Safety?

Ease?

Fun?

Freedom?

Peace?

Esteem?

Then, very, very simply put, feel those feelings while thinking about more money coming into your life.

And if you had no other thoughts or feelings about money, you would attract more money. Period. And the money you attract will provide the feelings listed above. How cool is that?

That’s it?

That’s it.

If it is that easy, why don’t more people do it? Good question. Some don’t know about it. Some know about it but don’t practice it (likely because of a belief that it isn’t really true). Others don’t know the secret of essence.

And, honestly, there are complexities – like figuring out what essences the other ‘aspects’ of you are sending out, such as your subconscious mind, your child self, your adolescent self, etc. But there are and lots of posts about the rest of the story (and will be many more to come).

For now, sit with it a bit. Essence creates essence. What is at the bottom of what you say you want? Feel that for a while. You may be surprised, at what shows up!

In joyous creation,
Boni

Filed Under: the basics

Would You Perform Your Own Brain Surgery?
Letting go and letting the universe do its job!

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“It takes a lot of energy to try to make the world work in the way your intellect thinks it should work.
Put down the burden of trying to plan every small detail.” Sanaya Roman

Would you want to perform your own brain surgery? Would you try to do your own root canal? Would you prefer to land the next jet you fly on?

Of course not, unless you are a brain surgeon, endodontist or jet pilot. Why? Because they do it better. Chances are they do it a lot better.

So why do the job of the universe? Why decide how you want something to look, rather than allowing the universe to handle what it does best – handling the details.

Letting the universe handle the little things…

I attended a gift show with a friend a few summers back, to scout out cool gifts for one of my businesses. We got to the show and it was packed! I’ve never seen so many cars at this place! It was a 95+ degree day and the parking lot radiated heat. As I took in the situation, I decided I wanted to create a parking space close to the door.

Parking spaces are a fairly easy creation, and I’d become quite powerful in my ability to manifest them. Not a problem, I figured. Usually I would just do a quick visualization of my car pulling into an empty slot (with harm to none) and “voila!” it would appear. But that day, it just wasn’t happening. I wondered briefly why that was… then, figuring there must be a reason, let it go.

The further away from the door we drove, the more cars we saw. And still – no spaces! Finally, clear on the opposite side of the building… was a space. I grabbed it. I hadn’t received my parking space close to the building after all.

However, within a few feet we caught a shuttle to the main door, and on the way back, the shuttle driver dropped us off right next to my car – even better than a space close to the door. I did get what I wanted – not having to walk across a blazing parking lot. But it didn’t look like I thought it would.

Letting the universe handle the bigger things…

OK. That’s a small example. But how about this:

During the same year, my hours at work were cut from my job as a corporate VP of a small marketing company, from 40 to 12 hours a week! It was tempting to fall into self-pity, blame or fear about finances. It wasn’t easy to stay focused on what I really wanted – more autonomy, more money, more creativity and more hours to spend on my writing.

But I forced myself to practice feeling how I would feel when I received that reality. I reminded myself often that my reality was my choice, and this happening only meant change, and that better things were about to appear.

Within a week of being notified of the cutback, I picked up a year-long freelance job that paid me three times as much money as I was making, working from home on an easy project. I didn’t expect it to play out like that when I designed my dream – but I was getting exactly what I wanted.

Why Does It Work That Way?

Some call it, “letting the universe handle the details”. Some call it “letting go and letting God”. The bottom line is, if we try and control the way things look, we end up doing ourselves more harm than good.

Why? This universe of free will operates very much like a computer. Energy in = reality out. If you put energy in for an end result, there could be thousands of possible routes to that. Usually the most direct (read fastest outcome) route is not one our logical mind would think of.

As in the examples above, what oftentimes seems like bad news is simply the most direct route to the thing we want. If we stay out of judgment, fear and other constrictive emotions, and focus on the essence, or the emotion of our desires (i.e. the way we want to feel), we always will be pleasantly surprised in the resourcefulness of the universe.

It’s not easy. We all have preconceived notions of how things should work out, how our dreams should manifest, what is supposed to happen when and how. We have beliefs that outline the only way things can happen. But those beliefs and ideas are slowing down what we desire and sometimes stopping it from happening at all.

It’s not the circumstances that bring good results to you. A good job doesn’t ensure you’ll be rich, secure and happy in that job. Your resonance determines whether you’ll be rich, secure and happy. A good job can be the detail the universe chooses, but so could a great investment paying off that frees you to open your own business, or a neighbor deciding to move toEurope and asking you to run her company.

If you send out pure energy of prosperity, security, ease, fun, etc. and let the universe decide how it arrives, you are opening every possible door that could bring you a reality that causes you to feel those emotions. If you have rigid ideas of how and when and whether you can have what you want, you are closing the possible avenues of its arrival, one by one.

Know you can have everything you desire. Know that it will take time, patience, knowledge, skill and healing to open all the doors of possibility. Trust the universe and your Higher Powers to take care of the details. They will – if you do your part and become crystal clear about how you want it to feel when it arrives and then, blissfully, let it go.

In joyful creation,
Boni

Filed Under: the basics

How to Change Unrequited Love

By 4 Comments

 

“You wait a lifetime to meet Someone who understands you, accepts you as you are.
At the end, you find that Someone, all along, has been you.” ~ Richard Bach

 

Dear Boni.

Hello from Athens Greece! I have read your articles for the past 5 years and they are great. At this point of my life I have a difficult situation to deal with and maybe you can help me.

My intention is to create a relationship with a really nice young man with whom I have been in love for the last 11 months. I am 36 and I dare to say that I have had a bit of intuition since I was a child. However I don’t know if that help me in my life as I don’t seem to have enough power to change my intuitive thoughts about the future.

Anyway, here is my problem: I prefer to make long lasting fulfilling relationships with the “perfect” match. That’s why I have had only one relationship in my whole life for 12 years with my former husband. Now we are divorced (which was mostly my fault). We have been apart for the last 6 years.

I have a clear image of the man I want to be with in my mind and his characteristics. Last November I met a guy exactly like that! I knew it from the first minute and he said “later” to me that he felt it too.

Since we work together we got to know each other very well. I believe that he is almost perfect for me, and so he said. However he is a bit younger and began first relationship and nothing happened between us.

As we got to know each other he seemed interested but didn’t want to cheat so he broke up with her three times in order to be with me. However he had still feelings for her. He felt sorry that he hurt her so badly so he went back to her each time.

I tried when I met him to do the techniques and they worked but at the end I got disappointed and really jealous and lost my alignment. I got mad at him, he was mad at me for treating him badly and we went through a bad period.

We talk and see each other every day but he is still with this other woman. I saw many signs at first now I am really disappointed and I keep crying all day because I fell in love with him. I am desperate!

What do you think I should do (besides looking for another guy)!? I really thing he is the one for me! He has flaws ok… but otherwise he is very nice!

Thank you
Marina

Dearest Marina,

My heart goes out to you. We have all been there – in love and unhappy about something in the relationship. Yes, what you have to be unhappy about is big – your love is with another woman! Still, whether a large or small issue, it always come down to the same thing.

We cannot control another person.

Hear this please – if someone is not acting the way you want them to act, be it boyfriend, spouse, co-worker, family member or friend – you cannot change them!

You cannot change someone else. Period.

You can, however, change yourself and thus your reality will change. But as my dear friend Lazaris reminds us, “Nothing changes until you do”.

It is wonderful you set your intentions on a loving relationship. It is even better that you thought about the characteristics of that relationship. I think where it fell apart for you, is when you received a ‘sign’ that the universe was about to deliver what you ordered, and you assumed it was more than a sign. You assumed it was the relationship!

Now I am not saying it isn’t the relationship. It very well may be. But it probably will not be until your energy is clearer on what you want, what you think you deserve, what you believe is possible and what you will allow.

Let me tell you a story from my life.

A relationship was a deep yearning for me. I knew I had a lot of love to give. I knew I longed for a partner who would love me deeply in return. This was my intention:
I intend to fully enjoy a wonderful loving relationship with a man with whom I’m emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically and cosmically compatible. I intend for this relationship to be filled with fun, freedom, ease, joy, love, intimacy, vulnerability and trust.

I did create a man coming into my life. I loved him deeply and he loved me deeply as well. We were engaged within a few months.

And then reality hit. Rather my fear kicked in. Was he ‘the one’? Could he be this man I had set my intentions on?

And when my fears manifested as him being fearful. The fear on both our parts spiraled us into more fear, more reasons to fear, and because the love seemed threatened on both our parts, we each tried to control the other.

I probably don’t need to tell you – this turned out badly.

He left. I, although disappointed, vowed to heal and change myself. I dove deep into my psyche, retrieved beliefs that conflicted with what I desired, such as:

The perfect man for me doesn’t exist.

I’ll never meet the perfect man for me.

I cannot be fully myself and be accepted.

I need to bend over backward in a relationship in order to be loved.

I need to earn love.

I need to sacrifice my own needs in a relationship.

My significant other needs to be perfect.

I then changed these beliefs to:

The perfect man for me does exist.

I’ll meet the perfect man for me at the right time.

I can be fully myself and be accepted.

I need to just be myself in a relationship in order to be loved.

I need to receive love.

I need to tend to my own needs in a relationship.

My significant other needs to be willing to grow.

I quickly met, and became engaged to another man, whom I thought was ‘the one’! Much to my dismay, only 6 months into the relationship, this man proved me wrong. Back to the metaphysical drawing board!

I worked again on my beliefs, scrutinized my thoughts, and was more determined than ever to create the relationship of my dreams.

What I realized in the year since ‘man A’ had left, was that I had been trying to control the men in my life since I was a little girl. Thinking I was less powerful than the men in my life, if I controlled them I ultimately would get what I wanted.

More beliefs were discovered:

Everything is an illusion but men.

The more I control, the more I get the love I truly want.

Men are not safe.

Men are more powerful than me.

Men in my life always betray me and I cannot trust them.

And I changed those beliefs to:

Everything is an illusion including men.

The more I let go, the more I get the love I truly want.

Men are safe.

Men can be as powerful as me.

Men in my life always support me and I can trust them.

The real surprise was ‘man A’ then came back into my life, through a series of undeniable miracles. Because I had changed (as had he), the relationship blossomed into one even better than my wildest dreams. We were married later that year, and remain in a state of (nearly always) bliss.

The moral of this story? If you want a life of your dreams you don’t get to choose who plays the roles of family (spiritual family that is), mate, friend, co-worker. You just get to choose that you want it.

And yes, oftentimes this means letting go of those who cannot treat you in the manner that you deserve (which is always wonderful). And sometimes letting go allows them to change into someone perfect (for you). Then again, sometimes letting go allows Mr. Right (for you) to enter stage left.

The Steps Out of Disappointment

I know it is confusing, and difficult to sort out. Breaking it down into small and manageable parts allows you to look at all of the pieces to find out exactly why you are mis-creating.
“The Map” of Conscious Creation reminds us to ask these questions:

  1. Do you remember who you are?
    Marina you are a spark of the divine. And you create your (entire) reality!
  1. What do you want (desire)?
    It seems like you are clear on this, Marina. However, I bet that nowhere in your list of intentions does it state “I intend my partner has another love.” If you do not already have this intention, I would add it: “I intend to create an exclusive, loving, joyful and fun-filled relationship.”
  1. What energy are you putting forth?
    Marina you said it yourself, you feel disappointed and desperate. Remember, the energy (in the form of thoughts and feelings and beliefs) you put out you get back. What you are creating is more disappointment and more desperation.Try imagining a man who loves you so much and is so deeply committed to you he cannot even imagine being with anyone else ever! And then take a look at the beliefs you hold about men and relationships. Beliefs are energy you are exuding 24/7!
  2. What action are you taking?
    I know you don’t want to hear this, but my suggestion is to date other men. If this guy has any hope of being ‘the one’ for you, he will eventually show up and ask for an exclusive relationship. If not, good riddance! You deserve more Marina. Meanwhile, there are lots of fish in the sea. Practice creating and see what you can manifest!
  3. What is your world saying to you (response) and what is your response back? Your world always reflects back to you what you are sending out in the form of energy. If you are happy with what is happening in your reality, thank the universe and enjoy… keep up the good work! If you are not happy, go back and redefine your dream, work on your beliefs and your thoughts and feelings, and take different action.
  4. When not working on the relationship (and even when you are), are you happy?
    Spending your days in worry, doubt and despair won’t help. Find reasons to be happy. Start a gratitude journal. Smell the flowers. Read a good book. Know this is your illusion and you get to choose! (If that doesn’t make you happy I don’t know what will!)
  1. Do you ask for help?
    Every night and every morning… ask your unseen friends to help you manifest the relationship of your dreams. Request that they gently show you what you need to change in you, and help you as much as they can, to heal. Hey, it can’t hurt right?

So how do you turn the energy around and create the relationship of your dreams? You follow “The Map” and one by one take apart the components of your creation. It will take some work, dear Marina, but I know you can do this.

Keep me posted… sending love and light to you for a beautiful relationship!

In joyous creation,
Boni

Filed Under: q & a, relationships
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